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02-Aug-2020 15:08

Hell, the guy could have got out of the car and fucked her right there on the street and I’d have still awkwardly pretended I didn’t see what was transpiring. Knock on the window and demand she stop giving him head?

While my ex-farmer friend headed off to the bathroom to completely soak and wring dry his shirt (he has even worse sweat issues than me and this is his anti-patch technique) I sat at the bar and ordered a beer and a water.

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I looked forward to perpetually sunny climes, rollerblading on the boardwalk, and the general openness of the people.

The other week I was sat in Mc Donald's, reading an expat newspaper while doing other cliche expat things when I stumbled across an add for a speed dating company.